Bravery is Being the Only One Who Knows You Are Afraid
By Fran Trask in Pride of Britain on Thursday 11 November 2010 @ 08:30
Being a soldier’s mum is many things for me … I have two sons both serving in the Army as Ammunition Technician Officers (Bomb Disposal).
All mothers miss their sons when they join to serve in the Armed Forces and deep down, each mother does battle with her own fears. “Perhaps, despite the worries, my sons were right. This was an adventure, a new road they would take and I should be (and am) very proud of them”.
I have quietly carried so many emotions through my boys' deployments to Bosnia, Kosova, Northern Ireland, Iraq, Kazakhstan and Afghanistan. During their deployments I was what could be construed as a nervous wreck and found myself becoming totally irrational - flicking from one news channel to another - living in sheer terror of the knock on the door.
I have always considered myself a very strong person. However, the phone calls I received just as they boarded the plane to Afghanistan, brought me to my knees. I was not prepared for the huge emotional impact their deployment was about to have on me.
I was overwhelmed with emotion the day I was told my boys were off to yet another war zone (as one returned from his 6 month tour - the other deployed for 6 months). So proud of the men they had become; so afraid of losing them. The endless torture … but I had no idea what their job involved - “if we told you Mum, you would only worry” in their words. Nothing could prepare me for the gruelling months ahead, the long days and lonely nights.
A privilege - the sense of pride and honour; my heart - taking the chance to be crushed; my fears – the unknown that haunted me in my sleep; my soul that saddened every time I heard of casualties; the air that I couldn’t sometimes breath - praying it wasn’t me who got the knock on my door; my heartache for the other mothers. Nothing ever really prepares you for the roller-coaster ride of being a soldier’s mum.
It was so hard hugging my boys goodbye, not knowing if they would ever hug me again. No more daily hellos over the phone, just sleepless nights, wondering if they were okay and if they would ever return. Those long 12 months overtook my life.
Thankfully both my boys came home safe … some were not so lucky.
My youngest son, Kim, was awarded the GC for his heroic acts of gallantry whilst serving in Afghanistan and I now know the full details of his unequivocal actions in saving lives and attending the fallen. I still cannot fully comprehend the bravery and selflessness of his actions.
A Pride of Britain Special Recognition award for his outstanding bravery is yet another indication of his unswerving devotion to duty and having seen him presented with this on TV, my emotions are once again running very high.
When I bear in mind this is my son, who was ridiculed at school for not being able to read or write, I am so immensely proud of the man he has become. He has done me proud.
I must be the luckiest mother alive to have two such wonderful sons – they are my heroes.
For all our Soldiers … You are our heroes. For those who didn’t make it home – RIP.
Lord Ashcroft has just published a book “George Cross Heroes” within which Kim’s citation has been written.
Also, a 4 part documentary series on Discovery, commencing 18 November, the first re-enacting Kim’s involvement in the gruelling discovery and dismantling of countless IEDDs in order to remove the fallen and wounded and to save the lives of his comrades.
Donna Pugh wrote:
Written from a mothers heart !! Fran I know how you feel well sort of, my brother went to Northen Island three times and as you know I married a soilder who went to Iraq twice each time i waved him off I thought I would get the knock on the door to say my husband would not be coming home, thank god he did in one piece, unfortuatley so many of our heros did not for which is a sad heart breaker for there moms, wives, brothers, sisters etc.... I know your a very proud Mum and you have every right to be your boys are wonderful, kind and brave you did the best by them and they have turned into what they are thanks to you. Beautifully written Fran xxxx
Peter Robinson wrote:
I am a colleague of Fran's and have know her for around 18 months. I have read her blog and I, too, found it very moving and straight from her heart. I know how she worried about both her boys when they were in Afghanistan - and it does take a very special person to be able to cope with the total uncertainty of situations which faced them during their respective 6 month tours of duty. All mums worry about their children from the moment they are born - and Fran has had her fair share of worrying over the years.
You hear too many people referred to as 'brave' and 'heroic' in all walks of life (e.g. footballers!!) - it is men like Kim and Lee and all their colleagues who are the brave and heroic ones, others are merely doing a job and getting paid handsomely for so doing without any thought for the consequences of their actions.
Having seen the programme to which Fran refers, all I can say is Kim is so laid back and matter of factly described what he did - as though he did it every day of his life! People like Kim make you feel proud to be British.
Keith Trask wrote:
My Sister, My Nephews.......... I am lucky to have such a caring, wonderful sister, a thoughtful, unselfish daughter to our Mother. The Best Mother to Lee, Kim and Kelly. We are very proud of Frances, she has had a very difficult time bringing up the children on her own with very little or no support from their Father, but she never complains, and ALWAYS puts her family first. Dad would be so proud. We use the term Special Person far too often these days, but..... Fran, you ARE Special. Love always Keith xx
Ian Rattenbury wrote:
I am priviledged and proud to know you Fran, I have been through every emotion with you, I do hope to meet Lee and Kim sometime, meanwhile they are my modern day heroes, and friends by association.
You are one in a million, which is reflected by your Family.
Much Love to you as always, Ian xx
roger jones wrote:
Fran's blog is very moving. All of us could do with just stopping and thinking now and again, when we look at our own children for instance, how we would feel if those same loved ones were in Afganistan living in terrible conditions and worse still that they could be blown to pieces at any gut-wrenching moment.
It takes a very special person to carry that burden in their minds and try to continue a normal life at the same time. One thing that Fran forgot to mention, she brought these two young heros up, and a daughter, all on her own.
A very special person.